Addiction Recovery & Healing: How Do I Stay Motivated?
When we're in the process of addiction recovery and healing, one of the challenges we face is staying motivated. Whether you're new to recovery or healing or on your journey for a while, being stagnant can lead to a slippery slope.
This also holds true for anyone in a relationship with someone struggling with addiction. We need to make sure that we stay motivated to take care of ourselves, put ourselves at the top of our priority list, and maintain our boundaries.
I mentioned on my podcast that I'm a bit of a nerd. Go Nerds! Go Nerds! One of my favorite quotes is from a D&D-based novel:
"Those who aspire to less accomplish less. There can be no doubt. It is better, I think, to grab at the stars than to sit flustered because you know you cannot reach them.
At least he who reaches will get a good stretch, a good view, and perhaps even a low-hanging apple for his efforts."
— Montolio, from R. A. Salvatore's book Sojourn.
I love that quote because it reminds me that no matter the outcome, as long as I'm trying, I'm still pursuing personal growth and gaining valuable experiences along the way. I use this quote to inspire me to keep following my goals and not place limitations on myself. I also remind myself not to let the addict's voice sneak in if I'm having an insecure day.
We need to be mindful of those insecurities, fears, and other negative thoughts. When we're active in our disease, it's easy to stay motivated to continue unhealthy behaviors because our brain finds the unhealthy outlet pleasurable.
So, how do we stay motivated in our healthy recovery and healing? For people struggling, we know we can't turn to our DOC. For people healing, we have to find healthy support and guidance.
Celebrate
Celebrating our wins, big or small, keeps us motivated and engaged in the recovery and healing process. You can celebrate yourself with anything that can help remind you of your success. It doesn't have to break the bank. Some examples are charms, coins, stamps, key tags or keys, unique shells or rocks you find on a walk, special treats, etc. These items can also be used as anchors.
Tracking Progress
You can also track your progress. Whether you do this in a journal, calendar, or app, this can also be a great motivator. One word of caution, I've worked with people who have found that tracking their "days" has also caused anxiety. If you find that true, you can mark your start date, then leave it. Or you can do what my husband did and note the date you started recovery and celebrate that day because that's the day when his life changed for the better. I celebrate my "birthday" on the last time I used my DOC. There's no one way to do it; it's what works for you.
Superstar
If you listen to my podcast, you know I love to tell you what a superstar you are—and I mean it! Another way to stay motivated is to see yourself as the superstar of your own journey.
You can do this by using your imagination:
Write the story of your recovery and/or healing journey where you have achieved long-lasting sobriety and/or healing.
Imagine what you look like in this story. Are you yourself? Or are you a superhero? A rockstar? A unicorn? A dwarf from your favorite D&D series? Let your imagination run wild! Print a picture out and carry it around for inspiration, or sketch out your character if you're gifted with the talent of drawing.
Community
Participating in a community fosters connection, empathy, and learning opportunities. Here are some that I have experience with, but there are many more out there:
This will give you someone to reach out to if you're struggling. Many of the links above are for people struggling with pornography addiction and their partners. Pick up the 300-lb phone...or keyboard. People are out there, and they want to help. Present company included.
Goals
Set reachable goals (S.M.A.R.T.) and then recognize them. It doesn't have to be, "I'm going to stay sober the entire month of December!" Especially if you're struggling with setbacks. Instead, set a smaller, more attainable goal and celebrate yourself. Go get that ice cream, book, or pair of jeans you've wanted. You deserve it!
KISS Method
If you feel chaotic, try to find a way to quiet it. Apply the KISS method. Keep things simple. This can be done by planning your day as best you can. Remember, plans are not poured into concrete. They are fluid. It's okay if things change. Be the duck. Let the water slide right off you.
You Spot It, You Got It
The phrase "You spot it, you got it" in 12-steps refers to the idea that when you notice a negative trait or behavior in someone, it might be something in yourself you should be looking at. In other words, the traits we are quick to criticize or point out in others are often the same ones we struggle with ourselves, even if we don't realize we have them.
For motivational purposes, we'll take this concept and flip it around. Look for someone who inspires you. Someone you want to be like and resonates with you. You can look for things like:
Personal growth
Optimism
Self-esteem
Good communication
Proper self-care
Healthy relationships
If you're in the 12-step process, that person can be your sponsor. If you need motivation, you can carry their picture for inspiration. You can watch an inspiring webinar or podcast or read inspiring posts/blogs/books.
Routine
When you wake up each morning, do a self-check-in to evaluate how you're feeling mentally and physically. Notice your emotions, and allow yourself to sit, then move through them. Think about what you have planned for your day and if you're able to meet your goals. Think about your "spoons."
People find that doing things like a skincare routine in the morning and journaling in the evening help provide structure and stability. Be sure to include things that promote your well-being, like exercise, hobbies, and mindfulness practices.
Self-Care (Self-care isn't selfish!!)
Take time out of your day to include time for yourself. Whether that's thirty minutes in the morning or thirty minutes in the evening, you need to do something that makes your heart smile: Exercise, pray, meditate, read, write, do yoga, walk in nature, sing, dance—whatever makes your heart happy, you deserve to do it. Remember that sleeping well, hydrating, and eating healthy are part of self-care.
Volunteer
Service work! Helping others and giving back what is so freely given to us fills your heart and soul with love, which can help keep your spirit and love jar full.
Learn. Then Learn Some More
Learn about addiction recovery and healing. Understanding triggers can empower you to make informed choices about your journey.
Professional Help
Don't be afraid to reach out to a professional. I'm a life coach, but I'm not a trained therapist. Mine helped me navigate through my relational trauma and abuse. She is fantastic, and so much of my healing is because of her.
Give Yourself Grace
We have a way of being our own worst critic. We have to remember to give ourselves grace if a setback happens. Whether that's in recovery or healing. We need to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, learn from what happened, and keep moving forward. No wallowing in shame. Remember what the wise Brene Brown said on shame vs. guilt:
Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is "I am bad." Guilt is "I did something bad." How many of you, if you did something that was hurtful to me, would be willing to say, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake?" How many of you would be willing to say that? Guilt: I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I'm sorry. I am a mistake.
-Brene Brown
You, my superstars, are not a mistake. You are amazing and capable of anything you put your mind to. No matter where you are in your recovery and healing, whether this is your first day, your 100th day, or your 100th first day, there's always hope, and I'm in the corner. You've got this!
If you have any questions, please let me know. I answer my emails, with no strings attached. I’m here to help!
Sending everyone happy and healthy vibes,
Laura
