Urge Surfing: Ride the Wave of a Trigger
Okay, I have a confession to make. I was in the middle of writing something else when I remembered this technique. Not that you needed to know that, but I'm very excited as I type this because it can be used for triggers in addiction recovery and for emotions surrounding trauma.
For addiction, the triggers are usually people, places, or situations that make us want to use our DOC or engage in an addictive behavior. When faced with a trigger, urge surfing helps you "ride out" the intensity of the temptation without giving in.
When someone experiences betrayal trauma (usually from infidelity, broken trust, or deception), our emotional responses feel overwhelming. Urge surfing helps us "ride out" these emotional waves without acting impulsively, allowing us to create space between the emotional response and our actions, which gives us a better chance at healing in a healthy way and more quickly.
Recognize the Trigger
Start by identifying the trigger. It's not just people, places, or situations; it can also be feelings and memories.
Now that you've identified it (great job, by the way), name it. Remember Dr. Phil's saying, "You gotta name it, to claim it."? That's what you're going to do, name the emotion or urge you're experiencing. Bonus points for saying it out loud to yourself. Here are some examples:
"I am feeling triggered because I walked past the place I used to use drugs at."
"Seeing that person reminded me drinking."
"I'm feeling overwhelmed after seeing their picture."
"I'm pissed off because I drove by their work."
Deep Belly Breaths
The next step is breathing. I know we always talk about breathing, but that's because it works. So, take a few deep breaths—the kind that goes all the way down to your belly. As you're taking in those deep breaths, listen to the air as it whooshes in and out. Breathe work helps you create a mental space between the trigger and your response and brings you into the present moment. This stops the addiction cycle and pauses the fight-or-flight response.
Become an Observer
Rather than focusing on the trigger itself, focus on how it's affecting you physically and emotionally. Ask yourself:
What thoughts are running through my mind? ("I need to use." "I'm overstimulated.”)
How does my body feel?
Notice where the emotion manifests in your body (heart racing, chest pounding, clenched fists).
Observing what's going on with your body puts a mental distance between you and the trigger. It reminds you that this is just a moment in time versus something you react to.
Do your best to detach from the trigger by looking at it like an outside observer:
"I'm experiencing intense hurt right now."
"This fear is making my palms sweat."
You want to recognize the emotion without fully attaching yourself to it. Almost like you were a bystander or a bird flying above.
See the Wave
Picture the craving or emotion like a wave in the ocean. Imagine that the wave is building up inside you. Use your mind's eye to see the color of the water, the sea foam. If you like, you can engage your senses and hear the water and the seagulls, smell the salt air, and feel the warmth of the sun.
The wave inside you represents the craving or feeling. It will get intense and rise high, but then, just like any other wave, it peaks and falls away back into the ocean.
Now, see yourself as a surfer. Again, you can put your imagination cap on and engage your senses, seeing the color of your bathing suit and surfboard. Put yourself on top of that wave inside you.
You're not getting caught up in the emotions or the cravings. Because you know they're temporary and will fall back into the ocean. You can see yourself riding that wave calmly because you're in control, not the trigger.
Be Present and Mindful
Continue to observe. Ease into the uncomfortableness. It’s okay if your pulse is racing, if have sweaty hands, or chest is tight. Focus on your breathing. Those deep breaths will keep you grounded. The feeling, the urge, will pass. If you feel your mind drifting back toward the unhealthy behavior, remind yourself, "This too shall pass," and focus on your breathing again.
Detach
Remind yourself that the emotion or the urge is not an order. You don’t have to act on it. What you're feeling doesn't require an immediate response. It doesn’t require any response. Now’s your opportunity to create a mental distance between you and the feeling or the urge.
Re-Shift
Once the urge or emotion has subsided, re-shift your energy toward something positive. We want to quickly distract your brain and move it onto a healthy pathway. You can go for a walk, journal, reach out to a trusted friend, exercise, read, walk around the house five times, water your plants, do dishes—whatever will take your mind off your trigger, do it.
Okay, that sounded like a lot, didn't it? It also sounds like it takes forever. It doesn't. It can be mere moments or a minute or two. You can practice this technique when you're in a calm state of mind to help you access it more quickly when needed. It can help you build awareness and feel more in control over your recovery and healing.
If you have any questions, please let me know. I answer my emails, with no strings attached. I’m here to help!
Sending everyone happy and healthy vibes,
Life Coach Laura
