steps AFTER A SETBACK

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: For most people, setbacks are a part of the addiction recovery journey. That doesn't mean every single person will experience them, but many will. When they happen, the important thing to do is pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and learn from them. The last thing we want is to wrap ourselves up in a blanket of shame. That’s why want to focus on the steps to take after a setback, versus the setback itself.

Acceptance

We want to make sure that we recognize a setback happened. No justifications. No more living in a world of denial and lies. We've got to acknowledge the setback occurred and choose acceptance.

No Shame Zone

Yes, it feels terrible. But that doesn't make you a horrible person. Your setback nor your disease defines you. That progress isn't erased if you had sixty days or six days of progress. It's still there. Everything you learned, the tools you put in your recovery toolkit, is still there. No one can take that away from you. Give yourself grace without minimizing what happened. Remember, your addiction is a disease.

In the wise words of Mitch Hedberg. (RIP) "Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Damn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Damn it Otto, you have Lupus...which one of those two doesn't sound right?” And while that may seem like a disheartening sentiment, it shows that for many, addiction is still misunderstood, but it's getting better with each passing day.

Trigger Evaluation

It's important to figure out why the setback occurred. This happens by understanding your triggers and knowing how to manage them. Ask yourself what needs to be changed to avoid being triggered in the future. You've got to be honest with yourself about who you were with, where you were, and what you were feeling. Dig deep and evaluate.

Ask yourself if you thought you could handle something when you couldn't. Or if you tried to rationalize or justify something, Did you tell yourself it was just one drink? Or only one line? Maybe you thought you deserved it because everyone else was doing it and you've done well for so long; you could handle it. Perhaps you felt justified because you were the one who was hurt. Whatever your reason, drill down on it.

Sobriety Circle/Healing Hive

It would help if you reached out to your support team. Who makes up your Sobriety Circle? This can be anyone from a counselor, life coach, sponsor, or trusted friend. You can also do this by attending a support group or 12-step meeting. The important thing is that you connect with someone as soon as possible to keep from spiraling.

If you're in a relationship with someone, it's important to remember that your partner cannot be your accountability partner and vice verse. It would be best if you had three separate recovery and healing journeys.

If you’re the loved one of someone struggling, you can create your own Healing Hive to lean on when times are challenging. Like person struggling, it can be comprised of a support group, a trusted friend, or a 12-step meeting. Anyone who understands what you're going through.

Setback Prevention Plan

If you still need to implement a setback prevention plan, now is a great opportunity to create one. If you did have one, figure out the gaps in the plan and fill them in. This may mean adding things to the recovery toolkit, learning more grounding techniques, putting more things in your inner circle, or set stricter boundaries. You can ask someone in your Sobriety Circle or Healing Hive to help you.

Routine of Things

Your brain craves routine and healthy habits right now, so do it. Remember to apply the KISS method: Keep It Simple, Silly. Begin with HALT and BLAST first. Staying hydrated, getting enough sleep, eating well, and exercising sound so basic, but it's a brick in the foundation of your recovery. The more bricks you have, the sturdier your foundation becomes and the more centered you'll be. So, get back to all the things you did before the setback: groups, meetings, facial care, meditation, journaling, and getting out of your pajamas and off the couch.

How Do You Eat an Elephant?

If things feel overwhelming, ask yourself, "How do you eat an elephant?" The answer is, "One bite at a time." Don't overwhelm yourself. Instead of focusing on long-lasting sobriety right after a setback, focus on staying sober for just today. Or, if that feels like too much, then aim for just this hour. Whatever it takes to get you through. Breaking your recovery down into manageable, bite-sized chunks can keep you from feeling overwhelmed. Create SMART goals.

Learn How to Surf

When faced with a trigger, urge surfing helps you "ride out" the intensity of the temptation without giving in. It helps us "ride out" emotional waves without acting impulsively, allowing us to create space between the emotional response and our actions, which gives us a better chance at managing our triggers.

Frog in the Water

Have you ever heard the parable about the frog in the water? If a frog is placed in boiling water, it will know it's in danger and immediately jump out. But if a frog is placed in cool water that is gradually heated, it will not realize the danger until it's too late.

What does that have to do with recovery? It's an excellent metaphor for we can sometimes be unaware of risks around us because they can happen gradually.

Setbacks are a gradual process. They start with the slippery slope of small changes in your thinking or behaviors: isolation, angry outbursts, lies, romanticizing past use, and then escalate from there.

What is the Good?

Look for the good. I know this can be a challenge following a setback, but rather than asking yourself, "What good is it?" ask yourself, "What is the good?" This can help you change your mindset toward optimism and positivity, making your brain move toward healthier pathways. Having and attitude of gratitude makes a big difference in our recovery and healing. Remind yourself that you're a constant work in progress. No one is perfect. Focus on how far you've rather than far how far you have to go.

You're in Charge

Remember, you're in the driver's seat of your recovery. You're the one who's in charge, so be proactive instead of reactive. Don't wait for a setback to happen. Do the preventative work by having as many tools in your toolkit as possible. Go to counseling if you need it. Go to inpatient or outpatient treatment if needed. Attend support groups and meetings. Read up on addiction and get educated. Get workbooks. Download the free workbooks I have. Invest as much time in your recovery as you invested in your addiction.

Passions

Ask yourself what you were passionate about before you started using or before your loved one started using. For me, it was writing, as if you couldn't tell. What is it for you? Finding something you're passionate about, a hobby, can give you a healthy outlet to pour your energy into and keep you away from unhealthy behaviors.

Be Your Own Cheerleader

Celebrate your wins—all of them, even the small ones. If you're coming off a setback, celebrate days one, two, and three. Remember, every positive step forward is a step toward progress.

While we don't want setbacks to happen, they can be a part of many of our journeys. They were a part of mine and my husband's. The important thing is to hold space for yourself or your loved one and not jump to judgment or shame. We need to embrace self-compassion and then recommit to our healthy habits again. You're not alone. I'm in your corner, and I'm rooting for you! Never forget, you’re a superstar!!

If you have any questions, please let me know. I answer my emails, with no strings attached. I’m here to help!

 Sending everyone happy and healthy vibes,

Laura