Facing Fear and Rising Above It
Have you ever been ready to take a big step forward and suddenly, you freeze? That fear of the unknown can feel overwhelming. You might think, “I’m just not going to do it today.” Guess what? I’ve been there too. Fear can be crippling. So, what do we do with fear? There are two ways we can respond to fear:
“Forget Everything and Run”, or “Face Everything and Rise.”
Which one will you choose?
Hopefully, you chose “Face Everything and Rise” so you learn about the powerful techniques: playing the script ‘til the end and the stop sign technique. I’m going to use a common example, but these techniques can be applied to just about anything you’re feeling fearful or anxious about.
The Scenario: Asking for a Raise
You’re driving to work, telling yourself, “Today’s the day. I’m going to ask my boss for a raise.” You pump yourself up on the drive to work, feeling ready. Then, as you pull into the parking lot, doubt creeps in. You start thinking, “What if my boss says no? What if he’s in a bad mood? What if….? Maybe today isn’t the best day after all. I’ll just wait for another day.” And just like that, the moment passes. Day after day, you put it off, convincing yourself that your boss is just going to say no anyway.
Sound familiar? Whether it’s this scenario or another, it’s so easy to let our minds be consumed by “what ifs” and self-defeating thoughts. But what if you could push through that fear?
Playing the Script to the End
This exercise helps you navigate anxiety by drilling down and exploring the root of your concerns. It reduces anxiety and lets you visualize the outcome rationally, rather than catastrophizing. Many times, we blow situations out of proportion. In reality, getting a “no” won’t end your world. It may even lead to open doors and to new opportunities, like looking for a better-paying job.
Here’s how you do it:
Identify the Challenge: What's causing you anxiety? Is it asking for a raise, starting a business, quitting a job, or getting sober? Maybe it’s leaving a relationship, healing from trauma, or something else entirely.
Define the Fear: What are you most anxious about? Rejection, failure, judgment, loneliness, or something even deeper?
Visualize the Worst-Case Scenario: This part may feel uncomfortable, but close your eyes, take calming breaths, and allow yourself to imagine the worst possible outcome.
Let’s take the raise example: You walk into your boss’s office, ask for a raise, and they say no. Will they fire you? Will they laugh at you? Will you lose your job? While imagining this, stay grounded in reality. Keep moving through scenarios. Is it catastrophic? Will your life drastically change if your boss says no? Most likely, the worst-case scenario is far less dramatic than your anxiety suggests. Ask Yourself: “Is It Really That Bad?”
Now that you’ve visualized the worst possible outcome, question whether it’s truly catastrophic. If your boss says no, will it really change your life in a drastic way? Probably not. You’ll still have your job, your skills, your friends, and your family. The worst case often isn’t as bad as we think. You can ask yourself:
Will you lose your core values or beliefs if:
Will you lose the love of friends and family if:
Will you forget to be grateful for what you already have if:
Reframe the Situation: After you’ve faced the worst outcome, reframe your mindset by asking yourself, “What is the good in this situation?” For example, if your boss says no to the raise, could you ask for feedback to improve your chances in the future? Could you explore better-paying job opportunities elsewhere? By seeing every outcome as an opportunity for growth, you reduce the fear attached to the situation.
Take Action: After playing the script all the way through, the next step is taking action. Whether it's asking for the raise, starting that new project, or moving forward with a personal decision, the clarity gained from this exercise will give you the courage to act. What’s one small step you can take today?
This technique helps you confront your fears in a safe and constructive way, allowing you to see that even the worst-case scenario is manageable. You can gain confidence and clarity by reframing your situation, focusing on growth, and preparing for different outcomes.
The Stop Sign
Have you ever had automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) marching around in your head, filling your mind with self-doubt? These thoughts might tell you things like, “I’m not worthy” or “I can’t do that.” Here’s a simple exercise to stop those negative thoughts from taking over:
Visualize a Stop Sign: Picture a bright red stop sign in your mind. You know exactly what it looks like—maybe yours is a little rusty or maybe it’s brand new and pristine.
Make the Image Bigger: Bring the stop sign closer in your mind. Now, in your loudest internal voice, shout, “STOP!”
Refocus: Push the stop sign further away, then bring it back again. As you do, repeat to yourself, “STOP! These thoughts are not healthy for me.”
Reframe:The stop sign is your cue to stop negative thinking in its tracks. Now, reframe your thoughts with my favorite question: “What is the good?” It could be that you’re working on your recovery, healing or any other good you can find.
The Power of Positivity
Remember, you can reframe any situation. Don’t let fear or self-doubt rob you of your worth. A great tool for reframing is affirmations.
Here are some examples:
I am worthy of love and respect
I am enough just as I am
I am confident in my abilities
I am deserving of success and happiness
I am grateful
I am surrounded by love and positivity
I am worthy of all the good things that come my way
I am capable of achieving my goals
I am strong
I am healing and becoming my best self
I am proud of the progress I’ve made
Celebrate yourself for the small wins and the progress you make every day. No matter how big or small, your journey is worth honoring.
What’s next? You! Take Action!
Put these tools to the test. Play the script to the end, use the stop sign technique, and don’t forget to ask yourself, “What is the good?” and ask for help when you need it. You have the power to achieve greatness—you just need to believe it.
If you have any questions, please let me know. I answer my emails, with no strings attached. I’m here to help!
Sending everyone happy and healthy vibes,
Laura
