The Three Circles
One of the most frequent questions I’m asked, and I see online is, “What’s considered a relapse in recovery?” To me, it’s a personal choice. I believe that each person’s recovery is their own to define. What may be a bottom-line to me may not be a bottom-line to someone else. As you know, I quit cocaine cold-turkey over thirty years ago and then white-knuckled sobriety for years until my husband’s SLA addiction resurfaced. That gave both of us an opportunity to do a deep dive on our recoveries and really start healing from our traumas and move away from what our FOO had taught us.
This is when I learned about the Three Circles and began learning to accept the grey areas in life. Because before that, I needed everything to be black and white, and in its place. No exceptions. The Three Circles originated in SAA, which is where we heard about them. It’s now used by many people in recovery. Here’s what it states in the SAA 12-steps:
“The person in recovery draws three concentric circles, consisting of an inner, middle, and outer circle. With the help of their sponsor or others in recovery, they write down various behaviors in each of the three circles.”
Let’s break down what each circle means. Again, each person’s circles will look different depending on their struggle, personal bottom-lines, and where they are in their recovery. The circles are fluid and may evolve and change over time.
Inner Circle
In the inner circle we put the behaviors we want to abstain from, the ones we consider a loss in our own sobriety. These are our personal bottom-line behaviors that we identify, as addictive, harmful, or unacceptable and that we consider a setback aka slip in our recovery.
Middle Circle
In the middle circle we put boundary behaviors that may lead to a setback, or those things we aren’t sure about yet.
These behaviors can move to the inner circle, when necessary.
Outer Circle
In the outer circle we put healthy behaviors that enhance our life and recovery.
Examples:
Typically, the Inner Circle and Outer Circle are easier to define than the Middle Circle.
Someone like me may have:
· Cocaine, meth, etc.
· Stimulants: including prescription
· Mushrooms, acid, etc.
· People I used with
· Places where I used
Examples of Outer Circle healthy behaviors:
· Attending meetings/group
· Writing
· Hobbies (plants, fish, and birds, oh my!)
· Meditating/prayer
· Volunteering
The Middle Circle a.k.a The Grey
This is where grey thinking comes in. I know, *gasp*! For example, I had drinking in my Inner Circle. I moved alcohol into my Middle Circle because sometimes I drink a glass of wine on Christmas or New Year’s Eve. I’ve also haven’t struggled with alcohol in the past.
When I was doing trauma work with my counselor, I moved it back into my Inner Circle, until I was finished because I maintain an awareness that even with all these years of being clean and not having issues with alcohol in the past, I’m still susceptible to triggers, especially when I’m going through something so emotionally intense.
That’s why it’s important to maintain an awareness of what behaviors or environments can lead us toward a potential setback.
Someone like me may have:
· Visiting family
· Talking about certain topics
· Social Media
· Lack of sleep
· Migraines (while out of my control, I need to make sure I don’t fall into a victim mentality)
Here’s an example of what one can look like:
