Handling Triggers During the Holidays
The holidays are right around the corner—like days away. For some of us, holidays are a great opportunity to connect with loved ones, whether family, friends, or both. For others, it means navigating being around people and situations that trigger us. We need to learn ways to handle those triggers so we don't have anxiety that may lead us to a setback in our recovery or healing.
We need to be honest with ourselves about where we are in our recovery. Whether in a solid place or on a slippery slope, we need to ensure we're maintaining an awareness of our emotions by self-checking in a few times a day.
Self-Check-In
Find a quiet place
Take a few deep breaths to help ground yourself
Notice any sensations in your body (tight chest, calm breathing, clenched teeth, etc.)
Ask yourself, "What am I feeling right now?" (Excited, anxious, joyful, disappointed) If you're not sure, it's okay to name basic emotions (Happy, sad, etc.)
Ask yourself, "Why am I feeling this way right now?" Is it because of a person or situation? Try not to overanalyze
Ask yourself, "What do I need in this moment?" You can ask anything from creating a boundary to writing in your journal, using a grounding technique, or using a tool from your recovery toolkit.
Remind yourself it's okay to feel the emotions you're experiencing.
Boundaries
When we're in situations or with people that may cause our anxiety to flare, we need to remember to prioritize our self-care, and that includes our boundaries.
We have the right to create healthy emotional boundaries.
We have the right to set boundaries and decide our limits. Even when that means limiting time at someone's house or stepping away for a few minutes.
We have the right to prioritize our mental health.
We have the right to say "No" without explanation.
How To Manage Emotions
If any of you are like me, you may have adopted some unhealthy ways to manage your emotions. Here are some examples of negative ways to process emotions during the holidays.
Shove them down
Wallow
Lash Out
Overworking
Poor sleep routine
Overeating
Too much screen time
Passive-aggressiveness
Avoidance
Use your drug of choice
Here are some examples of positive ways to process emotions during the holidays.
Name the emotion
Think about your "spoons."
Set limits (Don't take on more than you can handle)
Identify and challenge negative thoughts
Use your Recovery and Healing go-bag
Put your thoughts on trial
Write a gratitude list
Find a safe space to relax for a little while
Take time to zone out by watching something funny
Eat well
Get plenty of rest and practice good sleep hygiene
Relaxation techniques
Reach out to your Sobriety Circle and/or Healing Hive, support group, sponsor, accountability partner, or trusted friend
Practice "me" time and self-care
Reach out for help
Scream into a pillow
Write it out
Cry
Exercise
Walk, jog, run, dance
Expectations Vs. Reality
You guys know I have a ton of favorite sayings, so let me share yet another, "High expectations can lead to resentments." Why? Because sometimes, our expectations aren't realistic or achievable, and we end up frustrated, disappointed, and, yes, resentful. Here are some examples of expectations during the holidays:
Dinner will be a five-star meal
The family will get along
No controversial or taboo topics will be raised
The reality may end up being:
The potatoes are salty, and guests arrive late
The family bickers or is passive-aggressive.
Politics, religion, and Aunt Betsy want to discuss Uncle Mark's job loss, which no one has yet to learn about.
You have to decide what to do and how to handle yourself when these come up. You have to remember no one expects perfection, and the holidays are about spending quality time together, not causing stress to anyone. If you're feeling anxious, You can:
Do a self-check-in
Don't feel pressure to engage
Focus on gratitude
Shift focus elsewhere if possible
Step away if you're getting anxious
Be flexible when possible without compromising your boundaries
If things are too uncomfortable, leave or ask others to leave
Perception Vs. Reality
Sometimes, things aren't always what we think they are. When we go into the holidays, we may see things from a different perspective because of our past experiences and past hurt and trauma. Here are some examples of what we may think we see:
Disappointment in our mother's face
Anger in our brother's eyes
Misunderstanding in our cousin's looks
Avoidance and confusion from our friends
The reality:
Your mother missed you
Your brother is concerned and would love to talk
Your cousin is curious
Your friends feel your distance
Tools and Techniques to Help Manage Triggers
Practice Relaxation Techniques
Walking Meditation
Example: "Foot rising, Foot moving forward, Foot descending…. Foot rising, Foot moving forward, Foot descending… Foot rising, Foot moving forward, Foot descending…"
Or simply:
"Up, forward, down…Up, forward, down…"
Remember to also be aware of breathing as we walk. To do this, you may repeat this phrase to yourself as you walk:
"Breathing in, I take a step… breathing out, I take another step".
"Breathing in, I take a step… breathing out, I take another step."
Counting
Meditation
Aromatherapy
Grounding Anchor
Traveling or celebrating somewhere other than home? Bring the "best of" your recovery kit with you. Keep a grounding anchor nearby: a gratitude stone, meeting chip/key tag, or bracelet.
The (Portable) Emotions Jar
This is a jar or container in which you can store your fears, worries, and resentments. You can keep one at home, and when you travel, you can use a smaller version to help reduce your anxieties and let them go.
Write them on strips of paper, fold or roll them up, and then place them in the container.
This helps free your mind of them. When you write it down, you get it out of your head and let it go, which helps reduce your anxiety.
Remember, we don't control the universe, we don't control others, we control…ourselves.
Action Steps to Do Before The Holidays
Create a holiday game plan
Update your affirmation cards
Add to your recovery kit/make a traveling recovery kit
Design an emotions jar
Think about your expectations vs. reality
If you have any questions, please let me know. I answer my emails without strings attached. I’m here to help!
Sending everyone happy and healthy vibes,
Laura
