Family of Origin
How many of us have wondered why we struggle to connect with people or communicate effectively or why maintaining healthy relationships is challenging? Our family of origin, or FOO, may be a contributing factor. If you haven't heard of it, no worries; I didn't either until I was well into my journey of emotional sobriety. Our family of origin is the people who play a critical part in raising us. They are our first social groups, and they can have a powerful impact on our future relationships. They can influence our inner talk and what we find acceptable in other people's behaviors—not just what we see in them but how they act towards us, too.
Much like Dorothy Nolte's poem, "Children Learn What They Live." That describes FOO perfectly. If you're unfamiliar with that poem. Here it is:
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame. He tends to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
Our family of origin shapes things like self-esteem. If we grow up in a positive environment, we'll have confidence and feel secure. If we grow up with criticism and shame, we'll be filled with doubt and feel less than.
If our family and our social circle cultivate a sense of closeness, trust, and warmth, we're more likely to do the same. If our FOO is isolated or gives us a sense of insecurity, we're more likely to keep others at a distance and arm's length.
Our family of origin can also shape our lifestyle choices. As children, we tend to mimic what we see around us. If our FOO tends to be active and socialize, then we tend to do the same kind of things as we get older. If our FOO smokes, drinks, uses drugs, and isolates, we may gravitate towards that, too.
The cool thing is, we can break that cycle and find ways to move in a positive direction. It begins with awareness.
How did you FOO shape and affect you?
How can you communicate more effectively?
What are ways you improve your self-esteem?
How can you identify and manage your emotions?
Do you have issues with substances? If so, what can you do to address those issues?
What are the first steps you can take to reach your goals?
Do you have trauma? If you're dealing with something big like FOO or trauma, it's best to move through them in a safe space. And when you're emotionally ready. Don't force anything. There's no timeline for healing.
Sending everyone happy and healthy vibes,
Life Coach Laura
